Wrestling = LIFE / Girl = AMAZING

Peter answers: 'But between you there is some that doesn't believe...' (John 6.64)


The theosophical semantic of the question is not valid.

BAD? SAD? MAD? idk what to feel. i try to think of how it hurts her, and it doesn't bother me. mostly due to the fact that i never did it to intentionally hurt anybody. as a matter of fact, i tried to prevent it all too many times from happening, not for her, but for my own means. not just this chic, but other girls. i mean, i was at a college party with drunk girls practically on my nuts, but i said no. so then, the question is, "why this girl?" why - if i had a chance at the hot drunk/stoned/whorey chics - would i choose her? me and the girl continue to talk, we text all the time. i broke the akwardness saturday by wishing her good luck on the show. she keeps texting me too... so idk what to think. hannah's upset, and i expect no less, but at the time, i didn't think anything of it.

put it in my point of view, the girl i so deeply love continues to tell me that we will NEVER be together again. and yes, i DID ask her to consider it again, but the first time i asked, she still had the same decision. hannah told me to be selfish, and thats exactly what i did. i was tired of hurting myself. i had hurt myself all too many times trying to fix my wrongs. the night she left me the voice message was the night i practically made up my mind. despite the fact that we had both agreed to think it over, i had made up my mind. i DONT want to be with her. not right now. and now im beginning to think ever.

i was pretty much brain washed into thinking that it would NEVER happen again.    [ie:  if you ask your teacher to correct a test score, and a hundred time he says no, and you continue to beg him to look it over; even though he says he will think about it, you figure its gonna come to the same result anyway, and you rip up your test paper - then a week later, your teacher decides to tell you that he will look it over]    i decided to let her go.  she gave me all the signals, and i did what was best... only to find out about a week later, that she was actually considering it again.  i was dumbfounded, i didnt know what to think.  by instict, i said i would do anything to get her back, but after i said that, i knew in my heart it wasnt true.  i dont want to hurt her, and i dont want to hurt me anymore.  will we ever want a relationship again?  who knows, lifes just a road with a bunch of twists, turns, and road blocks.

i love it

 

it would be HER

things have bin pretty good... havent bin able to keep a low weight since i hurt myself, but its all good.  gotta certify tomorrow, but i need to run like a bitch today.  kissed hannah the other night, that was pretty ^_AM^A_ZI_NG... it was like shooting stars, and butterflies were everywhere in my stomach.  she is just awesome, simply put.  so anyway, back to the gym part.  its gonna suck, but i guess its worth it.  =] SHES AWESOME!

i like her.  she's cool.  i hope we're more than friends.  her name is hannah.   =]