Wrestling = LIFE / Girl = AMAZING

wow... last night i had a terrible nightmare... it, of course, had to do with devan... i woke up sweating and crying.

i dreamed it was the first day of school and i was walking around looking for devan, but i couldnt find her. no matter where i looked, i couldnt find her. so the next couple days passed and i still couldnt find her... my heart was pounding, maybe something had happened to her? i wasnt sure, so i kept looking... then i finally found her. and she was with richard, they were holding hands and kissing. my heart sunk and my feet grew heavy. i just stared as he removed her shirt and then her pants, and then he did the same to himself. she let out her hair and they continued to get naked... now u already know what happens next... but i finally got the courage built up to say, "devan? what are u doing?" and they both stopped and looked at me. she covered herself up the best she could and just said with a careless voice, "look adrian, its not like were dating... u act like were dating, like were boyfriend and girlfriend or something when were really not. y dont u just get over it? u can live without me. theres other pple out there." and then they continued what they were doing...

thats not the first time shes said something like that to me... shes done it before, and everytime i think about it i wanna puke... i just dont know how to deal with it... i really wanna see her sooooo bad right now. but i guess im just really shook up about our situation... i mean, will she acknowledge me? will she be ashamed to tell everyone that im the guy she likes? that weve kissed? devan if u read this... let me know what is going on. tell me if u will talk to me or not. if ull even look at me. if u will still be the same person to me as u are now. if ud be afraid of what pple think or not. if u think that ud hurt me...

thats kinda funny cuz i know she wont read this... then again, maybe she will... sometimes she does and sometimes she doesnt. and sometimes i think that she doesnt care cuz she never calls to ask if i wanna hang out anymore or anything. and when i talk to her online its kind of short everytime. she doesnt say goodnight, she just signs off... im so worried, i cant take another pain or loss... especially with joanna gone... *sighs* life could deffly be better right now... well i g2g shower and fix my hair up... boy r u guys in for a surprise... later to yall!